This year I only have one resolution that really counts. To read these books (preferebly) before I die:
The list is made by pure AWESOME!

... only cool preople crochet.
The second a human being picks up the hook, a sensation of awesomeness starts to spread through her body. Twirling and jumping over bones and veins the sensation makes its way to the core of awesome we all have inside; it brakes free and we suddenly realise:
Crochet makes people cool. Only cool people crochet.

Yesterday I was out walking down town with my headphones on like I always do. Unwritten Law made me sing out loud; with no shame. I picked up a parcel containing a few books and then started to walk back home again. The suddenly an old lady in a wheelchair approached me asking for my name.

I was really surprised. One: because she was a total stranger. Two: She spoke to me in english (which is not my first language). We started chatting and she asked me about my life. Where I study, what music I like and where I live. She was a nice little lady and I have never had a conversation quite like it before.

She asked me about my future; what I wanted to be. I told her that I wanted to move to England and study languages. She was amazed by my answer. She didn't say anything for a while, just looked at me like I was the bravest person in the world. And for once in my life I felt proud of myself. I felt like she had brought it out, this sweet little stranger.

She followed me almost all the way home before we parted. I waved and shouted goodbye until I could no longer see her behind the apartment buildings. My heart fluttered in my chest because of one little lady that I happened to cross paths with a Friday afternoon. It's almost like I met some kind of guardian of mine. And I will not forget her in a long time.

Okey, I know you'll laugh you butts of when you read my scariest nightmare. But actually, it was scary. Really.

I have this "friend" that's been treating me badly for a time. So I decided to avoid her as much as I could until I figured out what to do about her. The simple answer was of course to tell her to go to hell, but I couldn't because I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to sink to her level, you know?

Anyway, I went to sleep that night with lot's of anxiety. I had received a text message from her earlier that day where she asked me if I was avoiding her. I didn't answer. In the dream I suddenly found myself in the middle of town, standing in the square. When I looked around there was a lot of people there and my eyes searched around for her. Somehow I knew she would be there. All of the sudden I saw her and I froze. She looked at me and I panicked. I started to run and hid in a clothing store. I begged the staff to hide me but they refused to. She had turned into some kind of monster with evil eyes and hands with giant claws. And she wanted to catch me.
I ran and ran all over town but she was always right behind me. I was scared to death.

When I woke up I still felt that fear. Of her big, giant, huge, claws and red eyes searching for me. I had the dream several nights and ran my heart out. Until the day I decided to tell her the truth. She is no longer my friend and I no longer have the nightmare.

Happy ending.

  

Is love a fancy or a feeling?

Have fiction invented love? Is there really a feeling as breath taking as the one we read about, or see in movies? Or is love something we think we feel, because the books say it exists? I have many questions. They can't fit in my head anymore. I just want to blur them out on the pages, but the words don't seem to be enough today either. What's wrong with them? Why do they oppose me? They are supposed to help me now. But they won't.

I refuse love. I'm shutting it out! I won't let it bother me anymore. If it dares to defy me, I will defy it back. No more words of passion shall affect me. They are just words. The same words that oppose me.

I have written 422 words on my novel today. It feels crappy. I really want to be a writer but my low self asteem seems to get in the frikkin way all the time. How to fight it? People tend to give me good advices about how to get around the writers block but none of them seem to help. I'm still sitting here analyzing and thinking about how crappy I am at writing. ._. Fuck.

I'm making a stand against writers block here and now! By tomorrow 18.00 I will have written at least 3000 words! Who's with me?

I wish I was normal, as normal being "a healthy person thinking straight", and that I could like you back. You say I turn your body heat up a few degrees, and you talk about fantasies where I get to choose your punishments for being a bad boy, and I'm pretty sure that is some kind of affection in your world. I can't deny that I quite like it. The way you flirt with me.
I wish I was braver. So much braver. That I could walk straight and defy the fear that takes me by the throat. I forget how to breath. It's just too hard. And I'm a coward. How do I prevent myself from screwing it all up, Steven? How?

Is there someone else out there looking for signs of homosexuality in every movie you watch? Every book you read? Picture you analyse? I sure hope, but I really don't care. Everyone would be happier if they embraced every part of humanity and didn't convince themselves everything different is bad. I don't care much about gender. I care about finding someone to love. And I'm a fag hag.

There's a Swedish blog called Sodomi - It's hard to resist that I absolutely adore and fetch all my homo-movies from. They deserve all praise for their hard work!

I watched Cold Mountain a few days ago. I made a happy dance when I saw that it was on and I immediately did something I hadn't done in a while. I fetched a VHS-tape and recorded the movie. EPIC! It felt a little weird, somehow. But anyway, the movie was as good as I remembered and I cried every time the brilliant Jude Law poured his feelings out on the screen. But I couldn't help to notice the storm of feelings between Ruby (Rene Zellweger) and Ada (Nicole Kidman). Ruby looks at Ada sometimes like her heart is falling apart and there's something there you can't put your finger on. I just want to believe that Ruby feels more than she admits. I recommend the movie so badly! Everyone should watch it, if not only for the hints at lesbianism, but for the wonderful acting and story. 5 stars out of 5 possible.


Also, as a tip from the guys at sodomi, I watched a movie called Before the fall or Napola. It's about a young boy named Friedrich (Max Riemelt) who is a damn good boxer. He is so good that the school Napola, one of Hitler's schools for the "elite", accepts him as their student. At first Friedrich is proud and hails Hitler happily in his green uniform. But when he meets the quiet boy Albrecht (Tom Schilling) everything changes. Albrecht looks at the violence and blood with despice. He want's to write and change the world with his words. But there is not place fur him at Napola and everyone but Frierich thinks Albrecht is weak. It's a heartbreaking movie and I find myself shaking in fear when I watch how the boys are forced to throw real granades and shoot at judes with sharp ammo as practice. The one thing that keeps me from turning the movie of is the relationship between Friedrich and Albrecht that clearly reaches beyond friendship. There's a scene in the movie where they start fighting and ends up crying and hugging each other on the floor. It feels like someone's tearing your heart out of your chest with a spoon. And to know that this school actually existed doesn't make me feel any better.


There have been two lesbian weddings this year in the famous world. Ellen DeGeneres married her girlfriend Portia de Rossi. And they were beautiful.